Feeling The Loss

By Cathy Spalding ©
www.gentlespiritllamas.com
www.gentlespiritalpacas.com

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.” We are gathered here today, family and friends, to celebrate the life of ...”

Most of us have felt the loss of someone meaningful in our lives. We have felt deep within ourselves that convoluted mix of anger, sadness, helplessness and regret, a disappointment in hopes vanished… an aloneness. Over the ages mankind has ceremoniously honored the passing of one of our own. We fully expect those closest to the loss to be upset and in need of comfort. In fact, if we judge them not to be sufficiently upset we question their stability. We fumble in our support feeling insecure in our knowledge or ability to say and do the “right” thing. Support often comes from beyond those who are intimately connected. Employers graciously give a few days off, most airlines will provide a special short notice airfare and our cities often provide police to direct traffic allowing clear passage for a funeral caravan. We have adopted the color black, have rules of burial and massive grounds set aside for that purpose… and, there is big money to be made in this business of death. There are flowers to be delivered, cards to be purchased, stamped and mailed, phone calls, food, preparations of “our lost one”… there must be a “container” of sorts – often luxurious – and of course, a marker to designate the honor within that small footage of purchased space -- the final destination of that container. The loss of one of our own is truly a time-honored ritual. It is very important and does much to help us move through these inevitable times in our lives.

When My Llama Died....

But what about our animals? My personal life has felt the recent loss of significant people and significant llamas. As I muddled through each event I came to realize my response, my heartfelt reaction to each loss, was not so much different in one from the other. The honor and ceremony surrounding my human losses were obvious. I was clearly reminded, however, that the honor and ceremony surrounding a loss in the lives of my llamas was every bit as obvious.

As is the case with us humans, each llama also demonstrated their concern and involvement in this process of life in their own way, at their own level.

Some were more demonstrative than others but those closest to the loss were visibly involved in that loss.

Jenny

I had a mom, Jenny, who had carried her baby full term… a gorgeous little jet-black female sporting white points. Sadly, in the very early morning hours of her birth, something went wrong. Out came a mangled placenta then her baby… dead. Jenny mourned that loss, remaining kushed by her dead baby’s side leaving that place only to relieve herself at the poop pile. At last, by dusk she finally decided to come in to eat. Shortly, she returned to her dead baby’s side for the rest of the night. Others of the herd had come by throughout the day sniffing the baby, occasionally humming and some kushed for a time next to Jenny. By next morning’s light, Jenny was up and again together as a part of the herd grazing far off from the body of her baby. We knew it was now time to bury her daughter.

Diamond Lil

My old gal Diamond Lil went into the death arch one sunny afternoon with renal failure. She had a 4-month-old little boy at her side at the time. As she lay in an open three-sided stall, there appeared no hope for her recovery. Euthanization was strongly advised. Her son was beside himself…he raced back and forth between herd members and his mother all the while humming in high pitched distress. As members of the herd began to approach the stall, he stretched himself tall. With determination and pronounced authority, he stood guard at the open end of the stall allowing only one llama in at a time and fiercely challenging any other who would violate his apparent rule. He made distinctions as to which he would allow to enter while quite literally chasing others away. At only 4 months old, he had clearly taken charge. It was his mom and the herd abided by his actions. Unbelievably, his mother survived and at 24 years of age with “bad kidneys” is, at this very moment, kushed with the rest chewing her cud!

A Dog and His Friend The Horse

A good friend told me the story recently of her very old horse that had to be euthanized. Her horse and her dog were the best of buddies and had shared their daily lives together for a good many years. As always seems to be the case, one day the horse “just went down.” She had seemed fine… she was active… had been eating well. The vet was immediately called and upon examination determined there was very little hope. All systems were rapidly failing and given her advanced age, euthanization was the kinder choice. Her dog was present throughout the entire ordeal sitting quietly at the side of her horse. Her horse was euthanized, the vet left and a large hole was prepared for burial. Still, the dog would not leave the body of his long time friend. They decided to wait for burial – at least for a time. They felt witness to true feelings within their dog and chose to support and honor their perceptions by just allowing their dog some time. This was a situation, however, which did need tending to before long. Would their dog ever get up?

My friends went into the house. They were in mourning, too. After eating some lunch, they peered out the window. Their dog was still lying right next to the horse. What should they do? They felt within the urge to complete this tragic day... to bury their beloved horse. Should they just go out and get this “over?” With kindness and insight, my friends chose to wait just a bit longer. Two hours had passed when suddenly their dog got up and simply walked away. It was now time to bury their horse.

Animals Need Time To Grieve Too!

Though there is no way of knowing what view our animals have upon death, it seems clear it has an impact in their lives. What mother does not care about the birth and life of her child? What social animal – human or otherwise – does not miss the camaraderie of a friend or the comfort and security of their mother’s attention? We have learned much regarding our own feelings from witnessing the behaviors of the animals. I would submit that though we do not think we see a reaction to death in their world, we cannot be confident none is occurring. I encourage each of us to be mindful of the highs and lows in the life of every living creature. If it is at all possible, give those animals in our life the opportunity to “move through” these events on their own terms. Honor, respect and support the likelihood that they, too, can feel loss within their world. We spend thousands of hours and dollars on their physical health. Surely we can afford a little time for their mental health. What is the rush, anyhow?

Life is like an earthen pot: only when it is shattered, does it manifest it's emptiness.

     Hung Tzu-ch'eng